my boyfriend was engaged now shes coming HELP?
Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKYOUUU Btw she is now 26 and i think her parents are warming up to the idea of her getting married :| I understand all your comments and agree but i also forgot to mention that she has a great resemblance to me - hair colour and style, eyes, figure and sometimes i cant help but feel that that's why he is with me :(
Weddings - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
he very obviously has feelings for her, but that is quite natural...for a person to always have feelings for their first love, especially if it was serious enough to get to engagement. the thing you need to be concerned about is what if anything he intends to do about his feelings. if she is currently available, there is a chance he will want to get back with her if she is open to that, but there is still the problem with her parents, which i assume did not just go away. i think it is far more likely that he realizes that she did not love him enough to find a way to be with him and that may hurt him for now. seeing her again may be hard for him and may reawaken some strong emotions, but if she is still not willing to be with him, it will all be for nothing. what you need to decide is whether or not you are willing to wait for him to work through all of this and wait for the day when this relationship is properly relegated to his past and left there. it will die a natural death eventually, but that may take time and patience on your part. if you feel your relationship with him is worth it, then hang on. if not, move on. it is up to you. in a perfect world, the person we love will love us back just as much and as strongly as we love them and neither of us will have any emotions or feelings left over for other people from our past, but we do not live in a perfect world, and people are complex and emotions, especially for guys, die hard. the reason i say "especially for guys" is because for some reason men have less defensive ablities to ward of the emotion and pain of a failed relationship than women do, so once they have committed to a love relationship with a woman, it is hard for them to let it go if it is the woman who initiates the break up...perhaps it is related to male pride, i don't know. i just know that it is what it is. as for attending the wedding, well that is up to you. but if it were me, i would go and show your bf that you are a strong and capable woman who has no fears and no insecurities just because of an ex...even if she is drop dead gorgeous.
2 :
Oh My Gosh, i feel soooo bad for you. Ok well it seems like he still has some feelings for Sandy and im not going to tell you what to do with your relationship but you should follow your heart, if you still love him and he loves you , you should stay with him. If you can trust him not doing anything with Sandra you should be fine. and I would act normal around Sandy, dont freak out or anything. But if your bf starts acting like he likes sandy more than a friend i would start freaking out. hope this helps!
3 :
It sounds like he never REALLY got over her, but keep in mind them being friends before hand. He did want to marry her, but it also sounds like he wants you because he can't have her, but he will more than likely never have her, so I wouldn't worry. As far as the letter goes, he probably saves it as a reminder of her, but your letters he doesn't have to keep because he has you, and I'm sure, from what you say, he loves you. It'll probably be good to meet her and you might even whined up friends. When you meet her, just say that he has spoken fondly about her and that you like to get to know her better. That's always a great starter line for this situation, in which I have been in. Remember that saying, keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. Well, it's true and it does help in relationships. If you love him you'll befriend her. Some changes are required in a relationship, even difficult ones.
4 :
Let me tell you what my future mother in law told me. My fiance has a childhood family friend that he used to like. They had major crushes on each other growing up. When I found out she was coming over to his house with her parents (I was there), I couldn't take it and stayed in his room with the door locked the entire time. I told my future mil that I would punch her in the face if I saw her, lol. She sat me down, and told me this. "He only has eyes for you. You must accept that this girl is a part of his life, and she will not go away. She is a family friend, and her parents are among my best friends. Your boyfriend has known her since they were in diapers. She is a part of his past, and you cannot erase that no matter how hard you try. Your life would be a whole lot easier if you could just accept that. Tomorrow, she is coming with our family to the festival. You CANNOT let her know that she's get to you, or you show your insecurities. If you want to be the mature one, you will politely say hello and introduce yourself and leave it at that. Let her know that you are secure in your relationship, and that her and your boyfriend's past does not bother you in the least, because you know he's all yours now." That changed everything for me. It turns out, later on that night, my boyfriend at the time proposed to me!!! So you can imagine the smile on my face when I shook that girl's hand with the hand that I had my ring on. ;) I'm not going to answer the question "does he still have feelings for her?" Only you know the answer to that question. Even if he does have feelings for her, give yourself more credit! You've been his ONLY one for the past three years, and you aren't going anywhere anytime soon. In other words, as insecure you are about this girl, she feels just as insecure about you as well. What I mean is you say she's "absolutely gorgeous" and I'm sure she's probably saying something like "he must love her if he's been with her for that long..." Get me? You both are insecure when it comes to the other. You are better than that, and you are better than her. Show her that. Smile, shake her hand, introduce yourself. Act as if you have no reason in the world to be worried about her, and that will make her the insecure one. Hold your boyfriend's hand and don't show any signs of jealousy, and don't be all over your boyfriend either. Have a nice balance. Hold his hand, smile at him, laugh at his jokes. You want to come across to her like you two are happier than ever, and that you have no reason to worry about her whatsoever. At least that's what I did, and it worked out for me well. I wish you good luck hun, I can only imagine how difficult this is xx
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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
My bf still loves his ex HELP?
My bf still loves his ex HELP?
I think my bf still love his ex fiance HELP!!!? Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKU to tk, it sounds like you settled for someone that doesn't love you. Don't you feel second best. I mean if its not for love then why is your wife with you? because you treat her better than the other guy? so basically shes just using you, because shes not willing to risk it with the other man she loves, or maybe the other man doesn't want her so she settled for you. That's Truly sad, and no offence but i would rather be with no-one then with someone who loves multiple people and is in love with multiple people at the same time.
Marriage & Divorce - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You are simply her replacement. If she would take him back, you would be dumped immediately. The best thing you can do is let him go if that's what he wants. Keep your self-respect and this is the one way you will find out if you are just a replacement for her since he can't have her or if it is you he really loves. No drama, just do it. Give him a hug and let him choose. You win either way. If he comes back to you, he loves you and not her. He he pursues her, you found out now and not years from now. Good luck.
2 :
Well, it could be something there or could be nothing. However, using his sister's fb to contact her is a little deceitful if he has his own fb. if he doesn't have a fb then he could just be using it to keep in touch with her. But you have been together for 3 years, that is a long time to be with somebody if you are in love with somebody else. Also, she lives all the way in London! I would just see how it goes with her being so close. If there is any funny business( i.e. cheating) then you know to just leave the relationship, but don't assume anything. It really could be nothing.
3 :
I like Bethany's answer. The problem is, if he could be with her, he would be. BUT it's obviously not happening for them-- they are not together. So he won't want to lose you. If you do stay with him, I would make him cut off ALL contact with this woman. No facebook, myspace, texting, emailing. He needs to be DONE with her in order to continue on with you. It's only fair to you.
4 :
wow. and i mean...wow. number one, you are a much, much more understanding gf than i ever have been or ever could be. i think everyone has an x in the past they always wonder about..i know i do, but i also know that compared to my husband, he isn't even a flash in the pan. and i would never, ever, ever keep pix or anything around the house....simply out of respect for my current. that said, my mom does have pix of a couple of my x's, but only cuz they were prom pictures and the like, and she refuses to part with them. what his family does is not his fault...but in my opinion the battle lines were drawn when he said what he liked about you was your resemblance to this girl. find someone that worships you....if you are really attatched to this guy, and i guess you must be to put up with all of this crap, wait till the wedding, see how he acts. personally, i would cut and run. just my opinion.
5 :
Sounds like you are pretty upset. Understandable. But here's the deal. What are you really upset about? Are you afraid that he's going to leave you to be with her? Fact is you have a problem. The problem is that you are very jealous. Normal human emotion. However, you need to get past it. If he's going to leave you for her then it's going to happen. From what you have written I don't think that will happen, but it might. Still if it does you can't do anything to stop it so don't get so upset. You are allowing a situation that might not be anything to upset you. That makes it your problem. Now, lets talk about his feelings. You said he loves you and you have been with him for several years. So what if he still loves his ex. People can love more than one person at a time and they can even be in love with more than one person at a time. I've been married for 31 years and my wife is love with another man, but she is still very much in love with me too. Plus, I have her. She's my wife not his. So I don't care that they are in love. I even think it's a beautiful thing. If I were jealous all I'd be doing is harming myself. Well I hope you understand what I'm saying. All you can do is love your boyfriend. Show him your love. Remember that love the feeling is the fruit of love the action. If you show him all the love you can show him and she doesn't, who do you think will get to keep him. LOL. Good luck.
6 :
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I think my bf still love his ex fiance HELP!!!? Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKU to tk, it sounds like you settled for someone that doesn't love you. Don't you feel second best. I mean if its not for love then why is your wife with you? because you treat her better than the other guy? so basically shes just using you, because shes not willing to risk it with the other man she loves, or maybe the other man doesn't want her so she settled for you. That's Truly sad, and no offence but i would rather be with no-one then with someone who loves multiple people and is in love with multiple people at the same time.
Marriage & Divorce - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You are simply her replacement. If she would take him back, you would be dumped immediately. The best thing you can do is let him go if that's what he wants. Keep your self-respect and this is the one way you will find out if you are just a replacement for her since he can't have her or if it is you he really loves. No drama, just do it. Give him a hug and let him choose. You win either way. If he comes back to you, he loves you and not her. He he pursues her, you found out now and not years from now. Good luck.
2 :
Well, it could be something there or could be nothing. However, using his sister's fb to contact her is a little deceitful if he has his own fb. if he doesn't have a fb then he could just be using it to keep in touch with her. But you have been together for 3 years, that is a long time to be with somebody if you are in love with somebody else. Also, she lives all the way in London! I would just see how it goes with her being so close. If there is any funny business( i.e. cheating) then you know to just leave the relationship, but don't assume anything. It really could be nothing.
3 :
I like Bethany's answer. The problem is, if he could be with her, he would be. BUT it's obviously not happening for them-- they are not together. So he won't want to lose you. If you do stay with him, I would make him cut off ALL contact with this woman. No facebook, myspace, texting, emailing. He needs to be DONE with her in order to continue on with you. It's only fair to you.
4 :
wow. and i mean...wow. number one, you are a much, much more understanding gf than i ever have been or ever could be. i think everyone has an x in the past they always wonder about..i know i do, but i also know that compared to my husband, he isn't even a flash in the pan. and i would never, ever, ever keep pix or anything around the house....simply out of respect for my current. that said, my mom does have pix of a couple of my x's, but only cuz they were prom pictures and the like, and she refuses to part with them. what his family does is not his fault...but in my opinion the battle lines were drawn when he said what he liked about you was your resemblance to this girl. find someone that worships you....if you are really attatched to this guy, and i guess you must be to put up with all of this crap, wait till the wedding, see how he acts. personally, i would cut and run. just my opinion.
5 :
Sounds like you are pretty upset. Understandable. But here's the deal. What are you really upset about? Are you afraid that he's going to leave you to be with her? Fact is you have a problem. The problem is that you are very jealous. Normal human emotion. However, you need to get past it. If he's going to leave you for her then it's going to happen. From what you have written I don't think that will happen, but it might. Still if it does you can't do anything to stop it so don't get so upset. You are allowing a situation that might not be anything to upset you. That makes it your problem. Now, lets talk about his feelings. You said he loves you and you have been with him for several years. So what if he still loves his ex. People can love more than one person at a time and they can even be in love with more than one person at a time. I've been married for 31 years and my wife is love with another man, but she is still very much in love with me too. Plus, I have her. She's my wife not his. So I don't care that they are in love. I even think it's a beautiful thing. If I were jealous all I'd be doing is harming myself. Well I hope you understand what I'm saying. All you can do is love your boyfriend. Show him your love. Remember that love the feeling is the fruit of love the action. If you show him all the love you can show him and she doesn't, who do you think will get to keep him. LOL. Good luck.
6 :
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I think my bf still love his ex fiance HELP!!!?
I think my bf still love his ex fiance HELP!!!?
Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKYOUUU rushzapp i have raised the issue up with him so many times, ive wanted to break up over it however he would cry and beg me not to break up with him. its so hard because im getting mixed signals, do you know what this might mean?
Weddings - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
your story sounds like a movie should be made out of it! haha it is hard to let your first love go. however, he needs to realize that you are his future. he should be happy for the memories that he once had with her but needs to see that those are in the past. talk to him. maybe see how he acts around her to see if he still has feelings for her. regardless your going to be worried the whole time she is staying near you. maybe sit down and talk to her, see her side of the story. it is going to be akward, but you need to understand everyones point of view in the situation and see where they all stand. most importantly where you stand in the relationship. she's going to be there for a while, so take your time in getting to know her. make it clear that she is to not be more than friends with her bf and make sure he doesn't want it to ever turn into being more than friends. it needs to be about you and you only. he should care about her but not LOVE her like he does you. good luckk
2 :
It does sound like he has some feelings for her still. Just relax at the wedding, if he wanted her back that badly then he wouldn't still be with you would he?
3 :
ditch him right now. you know in your heart that this will always be an issue. it is like pulling a band aid off, but you have to do it. i was love sick for my first girlfriend. i got engaged to a really nice girl, but i ended up back with my first love and we have been together for 24 years. what it regret is hurting my fiance and not being honest with my own feelings. please don't waste your life trying to make a guy be Mr. Right. there are hundreds of thousands of other guys. you just need to take your blinders off.
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Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKYOUUU rushzapp i have raised the issue up with him so many times, ive wanted to break up over it however he would cry and beg me not to break up with him. its so hard because im getting mixed signals, do you know what this might mean?
Weddings - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
your story sounds like a movie should be made out of it! haha it is hard to let your first love go. however, he needs to realize that you are his future. he should be happy for the memories that he once had with her but needs to see that those are in the past. talk to him. maybe see how he acts around her to see if he still has feelings for her. regardless your going to be worried the whole time she is staying near you. maybe sit down and talk to her, see her side of the story. it is going to be akward, but you need to understand everyones point of view in the situation and see where they all stand. most importantly where you stand in the relationship. she's going to be there for a while, so take your time in getting to know her. make it clear that she is to not be more than friends with her bf and make sure he doesn't want it to ever turn into being more than friends. it needs to be about you and you only. he should care about her but not LOVE her like he does you. good luckk
2 :
It does sound like he has some feelings for her still. Just relax at the wedding, if he wanted her back that badly then he wouldn't still be with you would he?
3 :
ditch him right now. you know in your heart that this will always be an issue. it is like pulling a band aid off, but you have to do it. i was love sick for my first girlfriend. i got engaged to a really nice girl, but i ended up back with my first love and we have been together for 24 years. what it regret is hurting my fiance and not being honest with my own feelings. please don't waste your life trying to make a guy be Mr. Right. there are hundreds of thousands of other guys. you just need to take your blinders off.
Read more other entries :
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I'm looking for ways to combat this trend?
I'm looking for ways to combat this trend?
Your comments will be more than appreciated: How the faceless and amoral world of cyberspace has created a deeply disturbing... generation SEX By Olivia Lichtenstein Last updated at 8:12 AM on 28th January 2009 Remember that Hilaire Belloc cautionary tale - Matilda told such dreadful lies, it made one gasp and stretch one’s eyes? I used to love it as a child when telling lies was one of the naughtiest things you could do: Matilda ended up getting burned to death. These days, however, everything has changed and it’s the truths that children tell that make one gasp and stretch one’s eyes. A couple of years ago, my daughter Francesca, then aged 13, told me about a party she had been to one Saturday night. Insight: Olivia (left) and daughter Francesca In the course of the evening, she came upon one of her friends, also aged 13, performing oral sex on a boy in the garden. The boy was standing and videoing the event on his mobile phone. My daughter, in whom the feisty gene has always found strong expression, pulled her friend off the boy, knocked the phone out of his hand and slapped him round the face. I apologise for shocking you, but then there are a number of things shocking about this event: the casual nature in which such an intimate act is performed in public, the young age of the participants and last, but by no means least, the fact that it is being filmed. This not only signals the boy’s disassociation from the physical experience, it also indicates his intention to replay the event and, no doubt, to share his triumph with his friends as one might brandish a trophy above one’s head for all to see. Reality TV has a lot to answer for Nor was this the only such event on this particular evening. I am no prude, but Francesca painted a picture of Bacchanalia that certainly made me gasp. That week at school, when conducting a post mortem of their weekend as teenagers do (and always have done), the girls at her then school (she’s since moved), a private girls’ school in London, exclaimed: ‘Hurrah, now we’re more slutty than Slutney’, the affectionate nickname of another school. Call me old-fashioned, but when I was a gal, sluttishness was not a condition one aspired to. That year, they were all dressing in Hooters T-shirts (the uniform of the well-endowed waitresses of a U.S. restaurant chain whose slogan ‘delightfully tacky yet unrefined’ sums up its approach) and buttock-skimming shorts. They looked, as girls so often do, far older than their 13 years and not unlike the Playboy Bunnies who incensed a generation of feminists. (Interestingly, clothing depicting the distinctive Playboy bunny is highly popular now among teenage girls.) When one considers our society, it’s no surprise that our children have lost all sense of modesty. Reality check: TV's Skins glamorises teenage promiscuity Not only do social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Bebo encourage teens to share information about themselves; but when they are not taking their clothes off, their role models are spilling their guts about their ‘private’ lives all over the pages of every national newspaper, magazine and on television. We have an immoderate interest in the private lives of perfect strangers. Pop stars such as Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears expose the car crash that is their life for all to see. Jordan, who won fame by revealing her breasts, has a documentary series where she and her husband, Peter Andre, discuss their sex life (or lack of it) in intimate detail. The Osbournes revealed all for our entertainment in their television series. Was this extraordinary exposure responsible in part for the subsequent drug and alcohol abuse of the two of their children who participated? One can’t help feeling it might have been. Their third child, Amy, wisely chose to stay out of the limelight. Whatever its exponents may say, reality television has a lot to answer for. I have been a documentary film-maker for more than two decades and am well aware of the power of the medium. Today’s teenagers are starring in the reality show of their own lives and doing all they can to make it as dramatic as possible. Where before mistakes we made when young - excessive drinking, acts of promiscuity - were quietly forgotten, now they are recorded and broadcast on the internet for all to see. From happy slapping to amateur sex videos (Paris Hilton rose to fame when a shamelessly intimate video of her and her boyfriend found its way on to the internet, a reality TV show followed, and the rest, as they say, is history). Do these girls even know what feminism is? The sexualisation of our young is ubiquitous: boys caught cheating on their girlfriends on mobile phones, ritual humiliation and worse by YouTube (In February 2008, a gang of London teenagers aged 14-16 drugged and raped a woman in front of her children and then posted the film of the attac
Other - Society & Culture - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
ftake your daughter to a TRinity church with you at least once a month or more....set a good example....speak to her about right and wrong....read the Bible and help her to learn it too....OOO
2 :
tobe_new@yahoo.com
3 :
I wish there was a way to combat the trend. Girls are doing all these promiscuous acts for the attention. What they don't realize is that they're attracting attention from the wrong kind of guys. Guys who don't hold a door for a lady, who often have one-night stands, who cheat, who lie. These are not gentlemen they attract. Real gentlemen are not impressed by sexual deviancy. And this kind of behavior hits the boys just as hard. They're taught to mistreat women and do whatever it takes to get sexual relief from them. It's disgusting. And this only gets worse in college. College can be one of the sleaziest places in the world. Underage drinking mixed with being away for the first time can have horrible consequences. You have to instill self-respect into your child at a young age. Teach them about sexual deviancy and its consequences. Most of all, give them a role-model, which is hard to find in this day of drugs and artists being synonymous. It takes boys and girls with strong spirits to swim against this trend. It takes a lot of self-respect. It's worth it.
Read more other entries :
Your comments will be more than appreciated: How the faceless and amoral world of cyberspace has created a deeply disturbing... generation SEX By Olivia Lichtenstein Last updated at 8:12 AM on 28th January 2009 Remember that Hilaire Belloc cautionary tale - Matilda told such dreadful lies, it made one gasp and stretch one’s eyes? I used to love it as a child when telling lies was one of the naughtiest things you could do: Matilda ended up getting burned to death. These days, however, everything has changed and it’s the truths that children tell that make one gasp and stretch one’s eyes. A couple of years ago, my daughter Francesca, then aged 13, told me about a party she had been to one Saturday night. Insight: Olivia (left) and daughter Francesca In the course of the evening, she came upon one of her friends, also aged 13, performing oral sex on a boy in the garden. The boy was standing and videoing the event on his mobile phone. My daughter, in whom the feisty gene has always found strong expression, pulled her friend off the boy, knocked the phone out of his hand and slapped him round the face. I apologise for shocking you, but then there are a number of things shocking about this event: the casual nature in which such an intimate act is performed in public, the young age of the participants and last, but by no means least, the fact that it is being filmed. This not only signals the boy’s disassociation from the physical experience, it also indicates his intention to replay the event and, no doubt, to share his triumph with his friends as one might brandish a trophy above one’s head for all to see. Reality TV has a lot to answer for Nor was this the only such event on this particular evening. I am no prude, but Francesca painted a picture of Bacchanalia that certainly made me gasp. That week at school, when conducting a post mortem of their weekend as teenagers do (and always have done), the girls at her then school (she’s since moved), a private girls’ school in London, exclaimed: ‘Hurrah, now we’re more slutty than Slutney’, the affectionate nickname of another school. Call me old-fashioned, but when I was a gal, sluttishness was not a condition one aspired to. That year, they were all dressing in Hooters T-shirts (the uniform of the well-endowed waitresses of a U.S. restaurant chain whose slogan ‘delightfully tacky yet unrefined’ sums up its approach) and buttock-skimming shorts. They looked, as girls so often do, far older than their 13 years and not unlike the Playboy Bunnies who incensed a generation of feminists. (Interestingly, clothing depicting the distinctive Playboy bunny is highly popular now among teenage girls.) When one considers our society, it’s no surprise that our children have lost all sense of modesty. Reality check: TV's Skins glamorises teenage promiscuity Not only do social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Bebo encourage teens to share information about themselves; but when they are not taking their clothes off, their role models are spilling their guts about their ‘private’ lives all over the pages of every national newspaper, magazine and on television. We have an immoderate interest in the private lives of perfect strangers. Pop stars such as Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears expose the car crash that is their life for all to see. Jordan, who won fame by revealing her breasts, has a documentary series where she and her husband, Peter Andre, discuss their sex life (or lack of it) in intimate detail. The Osbournes revealed all for our entertainment in their television series. Was this extraordinary exposure responsible in part for the subsequent drug and alcohol abuse of the two of their children who participated? One can’t help feeling it might have been. Their third child, Amy, wisely chose to stay out of the limelight. Whatever its exponents may say, reality television has a lot to answer for. I have been a documentary film-maker for more than two decades and am well aware of the power of the medium. Today’s teenagers are starring in the reality show of their own lives and doing all they can to make it as dramatic as possible. Where before mistakes we made when young - excessive drinking, acts of promiscuity - were quietly forgotten, now they are recorded and broadcast on the internet for all to see. From happy slapping to amateur sex videos (Paris Hilton rose to fame when a shamelessly intimate video of her and her boyfriend found its way on to the internet, a reality TV show followed, and the rest, as they say, is history). Do these girls even know what feminism is? The sexualisation of our young is ubiquitous: boys caught cheating on their girlfriends on mobile phones, ritual humiliation and worse by YouTube (In February 2008, a gang of London teenagers aged 14-16 drugged and raped a woman in front of her children and then posted the film of the attac
Other - Society & Culture - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
ftake your daughter to a TRinity church with you at least once a month or more....set a good example....speak to her about right and wrong....read the Bible and help her to learn it too....OOO
2 :
tobe_new@yahoo.com
3 :
I wish there was a way to combat the trend. Girls are doing all these promiscuous acts for the attention. What they don't realize is that they're attracting attention from the wrong kind of guys. Guys who don't hold a door for a lady, who often have one-night stands, who cheat, who lie. These are not gentlemen they attract. Real gentlemen are not impressed by sexual deviancy. And this kind of behavior hits the boys just as hard. They're taught to mistreat women and do whatever it takes to get sexual relief from them. It's disgusting. And this only gets worse in college. College can be one of the sleaziest places in the world. Underage drinking mixed with being away for the first time can have horrible consequences. You have to instill self-respect into your child at a young age. Teach them about sexual deviancy and its consequences. Most of all, give them a role-model, which is hard to find in this day of drugs and artists being synonymous. It takes boys and girls with strong spirits to swim against this trend. It takes a lot of self-respect. It's worth it.
Read more other entries :
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