She would not talk to me at all, what should I do?
Hi everyone, I have been with this girl since December 2007 and I love her loads. She is my first long term and serious relationship. Anyways, we have been having a long distance relationship ever since we started. I was seeing her on average every 2/3 weeks over the whole period. We somehow managed to make it work even though I was the one that was always going to see her. Recently, we had been discussing engagement and it got really stressfull with lots of pressure and we started fighting and she started saying very hurtful things and how I am not worth it and that my family is controlling me and changing our plans. We were supposed to get engaged 26th December but because of family committements, I told her to move it to 29th. So she started being abusive saying really harsh things that I am very weak and emotional and that I was not worth it. She made me so angry that the next day I said really horrible things to her on facebook and since I had access to her account, blocked her out of it and said very mean things. OK, I agree what I did is very immature and silly and I regret doing it very much. I restored all as it was, deleted messages and gave her the account back. I have been feeling really bad about it since it happened and I have tried so many times to reach her by phone, texts, e-mails but she is not replying to me at all. I have explained that I am sorry, I regret what I did, that I'll do what it takes to fix things with her, her family and friends and whoever saw the messages I wrote. I have been thinking about it all and I really miss her lots and can't stop thinking about her. I have been so miserable lately and I can't get her out of my head and can't wait to get her back. I have sent her flowers once as well. Yesterday was our second anniversary and it was especially hard. By the way, I am now living in London and she is finishing her studies in Paris. What I don't understand is how she can forget all that we shared over one incident? Yes it was ugly and not small but I really did not mean it and I lost it that day. I am now thinking to go and see her next weekend in Paris to talk since I can't get through to her. I know that she will probably still not want to talk to me but it is a risk I have to take cos she means the world to me! We have a common friend there and he will try to invite her over to their place and then I'll come over and hopefully we can talk. I am planning to send her flowers every day this week to soften her heart. She is a very stubborn person and not very forthcoming with her emotions and she can be really cold. I have done so much for her, stood by her last year when her mother passed away, when she was finding it tough at uni, always supported her, used to go to Paris to cheer her up and make her feel good. By the way I am 29 and she is 28. I want some genuine advice on what to do! I am completely lost and all I can think of is wanting her back. Yes, we have had out fights and bad moments but for me we have had so much more happier moments and it is those that are keeping me attached. Thanks to everyone for their advice. I admit it was very immature and I was so mad that day and completely out of control. I regret that extremely. Should I go and see her or just accept it is over even though I still love her and can't wait to get her back? should i go to Paris to see her and talk to her? She has never cheated on me and I know that there is no other guy.
Singles & Dating - 2 Answers
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1 :
If she can say horrible and abusive things about your worth, you need to see a big red flag there. If you think that she does this as a defensive thing about being hurt - then tell her that's something you need her to work on if you both decide to give the relationship another go. Flowers do help - but if she's that stubborn and it's about how she's better than you and you're worth less... that may be something that is always there. You should never, NEVER be with someone who puts you down or doesn't feel lucky and appreciative to have you in their life. The Facebook thing was dumb, and immature. You're 29? Behave that way, as I was reading this I thought that I was reading something from a 15 y/o. Good Luck.
2 :
I had something similar happen to me a few years back and it turned out in the end that because we were so far apart for so long, she cheated on me a few times. After she cheated on me, suddenly she was a different person; tactless, aggressive, cold and heartless. In retrospect, I should have just dumped her and moved on. But love doesn't make thesse decisionas any easier. I ended up getting hurt badly, HATING her and losing a good chunk of my early twenties feeling depressed. If this girl is the love of your life, sit her down one day and talk to her face to face about everything. Lay it all out, no secrets, no regrets -- just talk to her as openly as possible. Ask her tough questions. Be firm. It will be a hard moment, maybe even ugly, but at least you'll have a clear picture of what's going on inside her head. Before you make up your mind, take a day or two to think about everything you talked about and try to view it as objectively as possible. After all, you're talking about engagement and marriage.. if you can't work out problems before getting married, if you eventually walk down that path your married life may be even harder. One more thing, if she's also your friend, then try to approach that angle. Use a bit of humor when you're talking to her. Be friendly. Don't be too serious or obsessive because that may frighten her off. There's also a chance she's just really nervous about the whole thing to begin with. Marriage is a pretty big deal. Either way man, best of luck to you.
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