My bf still loves his ex HELP?
I think my bf still love his ex fiance HELP!!!? Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKU to tk, it sounds like you settled for someone that doesn't love you. Don't you feel second best. I mean if its not for love then why is your wife with you? because you treat her better than the other guy? so basically shes just using you, because shes not willing to risk it with the other man she loves, or maybe the other man doesn't want her so she settled for you. That's Truly sad, and no offence but i would rather be with no-one then with someone who loves multiple people and is in love with multiple people at the same time.
Marriage & Divorce - 6 Answers
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1 :
You are simply her replacement. If she would take him back, you would be dumped immediately. The best thing you can do is let him go if that's what he wants. Keep your self-respect and this is the one way you will find out if you are just a replacement for her since he can't have her or if it is you he really loves. No drama, just do it. Give him a hug and let him choose. You win either way. If he comes back to you, he loves you and not her. He he pursues her, you found out now and not years from now. Good luck.
2 :
Well, it could be something there or could be nothing. However, using his sister's fb to contact her is a little deceitful if he has his own fb. if he doesn't have a fb then he could just be using it to keep in touch with her. But you have been together for 3 years, that is a long time to be with somebody if you are in love with somebody else. Also, she lives all the way in London! I would just see how it goes with her being so close. If there is any funny business( i.e. cheating) then you know to just leave the relationship, but don't assume anything. It really could be nothing.
3 :
I like Bethany's answer. The problem is, if he could be with her, he would be. BUT it's obviously not happening for them-- they are not together. So he won't want to lose you. If you do stay with him, I would make him cut off ALL contact with this woman. No facebook, myspace, texting, emailing. He needs to be DONE with her in order to continue on with you. It's only fair to you.
4 :
wow. and i mean...wow. number one, you are a much, much more understanding gf than i ever have been or ever could be. i think everyone has an x in the past they always wonder about..i know i do, but i also know that compared to my husband, he isn't even a flash in the pan. and i would never, ever, ever keep pix or anything around the house....simply out of respect for my current. that said, my mom does have pix of a couple of my x's, but only cuz they were prom pictures and the like, and she refuses to part with them. what his family does is not his fault...but in my opinion the battle lines were drawn when he said what he liked about you was your resemblance to this girl. find someone that worships you....if you are really attatched to this guy, and i guess you must be to put up with all of this crap, wait till the wedding, see how he acts. personally, i would cut and run. just my opinion.
5 :
Sounds like you are pretty upset. Understandable. But here's the deal. What are you really upset about? Are you afraid that he's going to leave you to be with her? Fact is you have a problem. The problem is that you are very jealous. Normal human emotion. However, you need to get past it. If he's going to leave you for her then it's going to happen. From what you have written I don't think that will happen, but it might. Still if it does you can't do anything to stop it so don't get so upset. You are allowing a situation that might not be anything to upset you. That makes it your problem. Now, lets talk about his feelings. You said he loves you and you have been with him for several years. So what if he still loves his ex. People can love more than one person at a time and they can even be in love with more than one person at a time. I've been married for 31 years and my wife is love with another man, but she is still very much in love with me too. Plus, I have her. She's my wife not his. So I don't care that they are in love. I even think it's a beautiful thing. If I were jealous all I'd be doing is harming myself. Well I hope you understand what I'm saying. All you can do is love your boyfriend. Show him your love. Remember that love the feeling is the fruit of love the action. If you show him all the love you can show him and she doesn't, who do you think will get to keep him. LOL. Good luck.
6 :
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