I think my bf still love his ex fiance HELP!!!?
Well to start off with, let me tell you a bit about us. Im 23 hes 33. we've been dating for 3 years and have a pretty good relationship, i love him and i believe he loves me too. However there is one thing standing in my way of taking the next step. HIS EX FIANCE! It all started when we began to get to know each other closer after about 3-4 months dating, we spoke about our exes as you normally do, however he took it to the next level. He told me he once got engaged to his family friend. She was the love of his life and he loved her since they were little kids. He told me that the reason they didn't go through with it, was because of her parents who thought she was too young (17 at the time) and too good for him. He then told me about how gorgeous she was, how much I HAD HER EYES and how he used to go across the country to just see her (she lives in london but were from australia) Then he asked me "If your parents didn't want us to be together would you stay with me?" i thought about it and said "Im sure if we were both in love we could figure something out." Instead of looking relieved he looked upset muttering "guess she didn't love me then ey?" At first i was a bit put out but he assured me it was all in the past. 3 more months went past and i completely forgot about this girl, then one day when looking through his family photos, i saw a photo of her. I didn't know it was her of course and then therefore asked my bf who it was. He looked at the photo and his face instantly changed. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP OR EXAGGERATING I SWEAR. He looked so in love, he smiled so lovingly and kept staring at the photo. After a couple more seconds without a reply i asked again, he carefully put the photo back in the stack and then said "That's my cousin" I didn't believe him. I just knew it was this girl from the way he held and looked at the photo. I interrogated him and he eventually gave in and told me it was her. I asked him why he had this photo and he said he didn't know it much have been his families. I left it alone after he once again assured me its all in the past. However there were more incidents to come. A year into the relationship we were discussing baby names (joking around) He suggested Sandra, i didn't know the girls name at the time since i wasn't the jealous type i didn't look into it. Later however i found out that HER NAME WAS SANDY. Still i though i was exaggerating and there was nothing to it until it was time to meet the parents. I found out from them that they were extremely fond of her, she was a model and Absolutely gorgeous (I then remembered him mentioning that he would love a gf who's a model). Her photos were also all over the walls because sandra is related to his sisters husband (THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THAT NOT) Anyway Im the type to always do cutesy things (drawings, letters you know) he always loves them but then quickly misplaces them and they are never to be seen again. I never got angry because i figured boys will be boys however a year and a half in i found a letter from SANDRA hidden in his cupboard. It was a hand made card and dated 5 years from then however it looked like it was brand new, so well kept. My bf got fired from work around then so i let that go and didn't say anything. about a year ago however i snapped when i found out he was using his sisters facebook to contact her. I knew they were talking because i could see from his sisters emails that they were contacting each other. However i couldn't find out what was said as he would delete the evidence. I told him straight out that i had enough of this girl and it was me or her. He immediatley said me, that he was only been nice and he loved me. Ok now today i find out shes coming here from london and staying with his sister (they live 2min from eachother) for 2 months...i have to attend a wedding with her in a week!!! i dont know how to act, i dont know how i want my bf to act. I dont know if i can deal with her been in my life forever! HELP PLEASE! let me know what you think does he sitll have feelings for her? what do you think? should i be nice and pretend like its not awkward???? THANKYOUUU rushzapp i have raised the issue up with him so many times, ive wanted to break up over it however he would cry and beg me not to break up with him. its so hard because im getting mixed signals, do you know what this might mean?
Weddings - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
your story sounds like a movie should be made out of it! haha it is hard to let your first love go. however, he needs to realize that you are his future. he should be happy for the memories that he once had with her but needs to see that those are in the past. talk to him. maybe see how he acts around her to see if he still has feelings for her. regardless your going to be worried the whole time she is staying near you. maybe sit down and talk to her, see her side of the story. it is going to be akward, but you need to understand everyones point of view in the situation and see where they all stand. most importantly where you stand in the relationship. she's going to be there for a while, so take your time in getting to know her. make it clear that she is to not be more than friends with her bf and make sure he doesn't want it to ever turn into being more than friends. it needs to be about you and you only. he should care about her but not LOVE her like he does you. good luckk
2 :
It does sound like he has some feelings for her still. Just relax at the wedding, if he wanted her back that badly then he wouldn't still be with you would he?
3 :
ditch him right now. you know in your heart that this will always be an issue. it is like pulling a band aid off, but you have to do it. i was love sick for my first girlfriend. i got engaged to a really nice girl, but i ended up back with my first love and we have been together for 24 years. what it regret is hurting my fiance and not being honest with my own feelings. please don't waste your life trying to make a guy be Mr. Right. there are hundreds of thousands of other guys. you just need to take your blinders off.
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